*This is hallelujah!
I know that I trust God the very most during trials. It makes sense…why would I seek Him out when nothing is wrong? Maybe the fact that He is the God that has saved me from the slimy pit of my sin (lust, greed, jealousy, hate, just to name a few)? I know that deep down, but when things are going right, I forget to praise Him. It’s the deadly cycle that is my life.
I know coming home from my beaches resort vacation of a college and living in my beautiful childhood home on the North Shore of Illinois is not roughing it at all, but I definitely made some plans to make this summer a challenging one. When asked how I would spend my summer I would respond with plans that included doing volunteer hours for graduate school, working, reading a lot, working out a lot, taking a class, spending time with family and friends, and maybe even go on a mission trip. I must add that this is after I selfishly refused to be away from home this summer, turning down an internship from my church and ignoring tugs on my heart to counsel christian youth or work for a mission organization. So please someone explain to me how I have been home for almost a month and have done nothing but watch a full season of House, sleep in until noon each day, and have no responsibilities besides running the occasional errand and volunteering to make family dinner.
Last summer went about the same, I spent the first month cold, sleeping, sick, bored, etc. I was very depressed missing my friends from school and the nonexistent ones at home. Finally I applied for the hundredth nannying position and I got it. I tried it out, and it was way too hard for me. I planned to quit by the end of the week (pretty sure I started on a Wednesday), but my mom told me that was short notice and rude.
My whole summer consisted putting off telling them I wanted to quit. It may have also been because God gave me strength through and throughout that job, and little moments that were pure blessings. I can’t deny the real spiritual darkness that I encountered during my job because of the worship of false idols in the household. I spent hours in prayer in that house casting out darkness and shining in light.
My last day of work I cried my eyes out on my drive home (this is extremely rare for me). I was so moved by the amount of love I felt for a family I have nothing in common with and by how much God had worked that summer. I blogged about the experience, journaled, praised, and told anyone who would listen. It was the answer to the question “what is God teaching you?” and the newest addition to my testimony.
My faith soared so far off that burst of a real and raw encounter of God’s greatness. But then I forgot. A million other terrible things happened that God redeemed and I praised Him for those. But He still is the God that helped me be the punching bag in the Sahara of an apartment of a girl who could not speak and was paralyzed by cerebral palsy. Okay maybe that sounds dramatic, but being a caretaker is in no way glamorous besides the loving gratitude it leaves you with.
So what I’m getting at is why am I avoiding putting myself in experiences where I can better encounter God? Why am I not letting Him do what He does best-save? Why am I scared of being scared? Because I’m a self-reliant human who doesn’t trust God when He has proved Himself time and time again.
Lord help me to trust You, praise You, seek You, and be reminded daily of where I was without You. Amen.
Okay..I’m going to play some Hillsong, meditate, and start some job applications in the morning.